A collection of true statements, mostly unsaid, to people who are close to me.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t, or didn’t, demonstrate how important it was to me for us to stay us.
I’m sorry I struggled so hard to understand you.
I’m sorry people aren’t nicer about things that none of us can control.
I’m sorry that sometimes the shadow just gets the best of me.
I’m sorry that I always preferred art to entertainment.
I’m sorry that after everything—everything—I, too, was disappointing.
I’m sorry we weren’t just a tad older.
I’m sorry I was a little drunk, even then.
I’m sorry that I wasn’t more unbridled in my support and enthusiasm for your ideas.
I’m sorry that it was so overwhelming, for both of us.
I’m sorry that I made it weird that one time.
I’m sorry for the enduring loss and deep discouragement in your life.
I’m sorry that I haven’t figured out how to help you help me, or help you help yourself.
I’m sorry about how that one day—that one moment—took everything away.
I’m sorry that what we do isn’t more highly valued in this society.
I’m sorry that I didn’t choose a path that would have provided you with more peace of mind.
I’m sorry that my lower-case-p politics bothered you like that.
I’m sorry I didn’t include you in the group text.
I’m sorry I didn’t write or visit when it could—and would—have mattered most.
I’m sorry that I sincerely just didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship.
I’m sorry that we lost her.
I’m sorry the shoes were a little too big.
I’m sorry for letting you down, I suppose.
I’m sorry it just wasn’t right for me, right then.
I’m sorry that it symbolized so much to me that I didn’t get along with your mom.
I’m sorry that everything is not perfect, though I don’t think it’s necessarily as bad as you think it is.
I’m sorry that I lacked the confidence to be vulnerable in my ignorance.
I’m sorry that I sometimes want to disappoint you.
I’m sorry that the things you were great at were so difficult for me to understand.
I’m sorry that sometimes I don’t live up to who or what you expected me to be.
I’m sorry I had to deliver the bad news, and that there was bad news to begin with.
I’m sorry that the money ran out.
I’m sorry you didn’t see me when I was younger.
I’m sorry it feels like such bullshit because it mostly is such bullshit.
I’m sorry I didn’t ask you to get coffee.
I’m sorry that we couldn’t do the basics as well as we did the very difficult things.
I’m sorry that I didn’t really know what I was asking for.
I’m sorry for the rough reality of that year.
I’m sorry that sometimes I just can’t.
I’m sorry he tried to snuff out your bright, beaming light.
I’m sorry that our definitions of success were not the same.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t tolerate the selfishness of your betrayal.
I’m sorry we couldn’t be the fabrication you had in your mind.
I’m sorry we couldn’t overcome capitalism’s knives.
I’m sorry that we never took that one trip.
I’m sorry that I was overanxious and obsessed, as it goes.
I’m sorry I took his words so seriously.
I’m sorry you didn’t stay.
I’m sorry that I thought your account was hacked, because it couldn’t possibly be you.
I’m sorry I couldn’t put my hand on your knee.
I’m sorry that things haven’t always been fair between us.
I’m sorry you took it so personally.
I’m sorry that too much of a daydream is still too much.
I’m sorry for not being better at the most important thing.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.