1.
if I sit down for too long I get homesick
or maybe it’s longing for foreign places
I long for a sense of home
I long for steam rising from the iron in that former home
that was home to love and laughter, home to you
and I'm thinking, how can I live without you
I lose control in my longing
I sharpen my knife, look out to sea
I'm coming home
I'm leaving
2.
relief comes
as the knife's blade travels across my skin
the red striations
ease my burden
in their teasing way, but it’s not enough
my body begs for more
my brain says yes
over and over again
it’s easy to be clear-eyed about it
until the fog descends
it always feels easy
before the darkness drops
3.
how deep should I dig to bury myself
is it enough to dig back to when I was five
and threw a rock that hit our neighbor in the head
or do I need to go all the way back
to when I was three and my cousin stole my hat
how deep do I have to dig to bury myself in memories
I stare at the phone
dial your number out of habit
and expect to hear your voice
listen to the tones and twist
the cream-colored wire around one index finger
and suddenly I’m six again sitting in the hallway dialing and dialing
and dialing and dialing and dialing and dialing
then you say “hello!”
can you help me bury myself?
4.
a happy memory
a memory so complex
impossible
and calm
you and I
and my kerosene-colored dress
I smile every time
Nansý Sunadóttir is a leading voice of the younger generation of Faroese poets. Pushing boundaries of self-revelation in an insular, private society, she talks openly on issues of mental health. Her debut collection I’m Sharpening My Knife, I’m Coming Home appeared in 2024. She works at The National Library in Tórshavn.
Matthew Landrum is a poet and translator. He is the author of Berlin Poems and translator of Are there Copper Pipes in Heaven? by Katrin Ottarsdóttir. He lives in Detroit.
Illustrations from Histoire naturelle des dorades de la Chine (1780.) The dorades in the title refers not to sea bream but the fish’s gilded appearance. This illustrated book was the first monograph on goldfish published in Europe, from a time when the fish were still bound up with Eastern exoticism in the Western imagination. (via Public Domain Review at https://publicdomainreview.org/collection/chinese-fishes/)
